The illusion of a Smile
We are all guilty of judging others by the size of their smile, believing what social media allows us to see “she’s happy” “they’re loved up”. As that person who was once the biggest culprit of doing so herself, trying to kid myself I was HAPPY when in fact I’ve never been so lost I can see through most displays on social media and can tell you that approximately 70% of what the world tries to sell us as REAL is in fact FAKE.
You see the thing is, it is in fact so much easier to sell an illusion to the world that we are OK, than to go down the route of “I’m struggling”, we feel a compelling need to paint the “perfect” picture when the truth is, even the best fall down sometimes.
Have you ever heard the saying “a problem shared?” I’ve always found that I’m a talker about things, almost like, by me talking about my problems to others, for a few moments I get to escape them, which is so strange because I am in fact that person who hates to burden others. However, it is important to know that to those who genuinely care for you, off-loading your troubles will be deemed as no burden at all. I have come to realise over the years that by admitting you’re struggling at times it offers up the chance to be human, to allow others who matter in your life to see that it is their turn to help you.
We are all on this journey that is LIFE, it gets hard sometimes, but that’s what makes us feel ALIVE. We try to reassure ourselves we will steer clear of all that could potentially hurt us, that could see us cast out in the cold once more. Quite honestly, I could write you a book about my disastrous past relationships, heartbreaks and the amount of times I have been left piecing my broken heart back together. Has it made me hard? NO has it made me feel undeserving of LOVE? NO, I know that everything serves its purpose in our lives and we are on OUR journey and ultimately, hard times can allow us to relish in the true definition of happiness once we find it. It’s also made me realise that we have to ultimately find that HAPPINESS for ourselves before we can welcome into our life anyone else! I can truly say I found that place and I’m finally happy with the girl I see standing looking back at me in the mirror. This acceptance of ourselves is key when driving forward to make a success of anything from relationships to friendships, because without it you’ll continue to underestimate your worth and grab hold of all the WRONG people and welcome them into your world to once again send you spiralling uncontrollably down that path of destruction.
If there is one thing I’ve learnt over the years, you should never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a f***, once you’ve done this, you will be the one cast aside from THEIR circle. You see, a kind heart and giving nature can get mistaken for a pushover, through all the heartache, all the people who have abused my kindness over the years, I have not altered who I am, just cut my tolerance of b***s***, when I’m done I’m DONE and I’m ok with that.
This stands for everything from relationships to friendships, all I care about I apply 100% of myself too, when you get slammed down by those who should care about you, time after time you get fed up of picking yourself off the ground and faking that smile once more to the world, allowing them to believe you’re ok, when in fact you’re growing more tired by the day of pretending. You see, when you have faked your smile more time to the world than you care to remember, you even start to convince yourself it’s real.
These days however, the smile I wear is REAL, and it’s because I found out how to make it this way. I’m living my life day by day for MYSELF, on a quest to live my best life and help others to do the same along the way too.
I will never be drawn in to this superficial ideal of what a woman my age should be, because, after all, we are all walking different paths on this journey that is life.
I’ve been questioned more times than I care to remember, I’ve been slammed down for everything I’m NOT, well, I’m finally comfortable in my own skin, wearing my own smile. When people speak of how much it beams out, that’s because I’ve lived through hell and returned, I’ve known emptiness beyond words, I’ve felt lost, helpless and I’ve been in pure self-destruct mode. When you’ve lived through this you know happiness in its purest form and you now know how to seek it for yourself day in day out.
It’s important to remember that, even when you overcome the tough times, you still are just as entitled to your down days as others, but the thing is, as time passes you will have less of these, be affected less by them, and learn coping mechanisms that see you continue to thrive on these days despite finding them a little more difficult than the norm.
Having endured all I have, I will never see someone as weak or vulnerable because in fact, those struggling have most likely been through more setbacks and more tough times than they care to remember and are those who think nothing of bouncing back that bit more resilient each time.
Never mistake someone’s determination to get up and carry on as them distancing themselves from happiness and all that can bring them laughter, smiles and memories, one thing I do know is hardships help us see who’s real, who has no hidden agenda and who wants to see our genuine smile.
It hard to be true on your dark days, but remember, you can’t see light without darkness, you don’t have to pretend to be OK, I assure you there is a whole group of people you didn’t know existed willing you to succeed, but how will you know this unless you take off that fake smile, reach out and build yourself back to the point where that smile starring back at you expresses the true joy within.
No one is judging you for your struggles, we all have them, more damage is done when we refuse to admit life’s tough sometimes, you never know, you might surprise yourself with just how many people really care.
You’re BRAVE but you are not stupid, don’t try to be a hero, speak out when the road up ahead looks tough or unbearable, there will be more people who get your journey and your struggles and are willing to help than you will ever care to realise.
The BEST times of your life await you, but first you must pursue the road of self fulfilment and find out WHO you really are after you’ve stripped the world of your FAKE smile in order to allow them to see your REAL one!
#mydoorisalwaysopen
Jess X
Sustain Fitness
